I came with a selfish intention of finding myself, in a hope to hear Him more clearly as I try again and again to find the answer to all the questions that I had in my heart. Doubts keeps on lingering and that feeling of unworthiness that creeps on because I feel that I have nothing to offer and looking back I was not a friend that was worth keeping after all. Just like this picture that has nothing on it but a mess and as you look straight on it, you’ll see what seems to be the end of it – a pitch black of nothingness.
As I feel that inside my soul, a part of my heart is humming a different song. A quiet whispers that marvels and in awe over the testimonies of the abandoned boys, as they sung a song about the love of God in different language, as they try to look at you with admiration, as they giggle whenever you show them their photos and as we prayed for them individually and see their future carved out at the palm of His hands. At those defining moments I somehow feel what heaven looks like and I know at that point that I’m certain that it is something I wouldn’t trade for anything else.
Now that I’m back to Dubai and I try to remember what really happened during that one week mission trip, what I can say is that, yes it was not a place that offers any beauty in it but if you just try to look beyond it, look past the garbage and all that stuff that we in this world define as worthless, you’ll see something that you will only recognize when you try to see it through His eyes.
Just like this picture, you will see a light that is trying to pierce the darkness around it. Like Moses who intently look at the burning bush and as he looks at it, his life changed forever. Perhaps I need to look or focus on that light intently like Moses did because I think that through that light I can come as I am (with all the mess, pain and disappointment) and still find love and acceptance.
Lord, may my heart beat as Yours that I may love the people that you have put in my life in the way You had loved me. Let me see them as You saw them in the Garden of Gethsemane – when You decided that it was worth it. Father, I may live my life humbly according to Your will. May the things of the past be just a memory without the pain and the heaviness brought forth by regrets.